It’s uncanny how what I reach for to inspire me responds to my need, time and time again. Maybe it’s synchronicity? Maybe it’s coincidence? Maybe it’s my eyes looking for what they need to find?
Mark Nepo’s words on the page…
“..fear gained its power whenever I would leave the moment at hand to imagine bad things descending in the future…Even when realizing this, I was hard-pressed to stop it, and soon I discovered that worry was the mental echo of fear, the replaying in detail of all the bad things that might or might not come into being. Finally, through exhaustion, I dropped my fear and worry for a moment, and found that I landed back in my life as it truly was, laced with difficulties and joys alike. I found that the moment I was living, no matter my circumstances, was the only safe place. From here, I could truly reach for others whose love and care fed me. In large measure, it was the moment after the fear and the reaching for others after worry that kept me well.”
Last week I noticed something unusual in my right breast, the one with the implant. I discovered ‘it’ on Monday night and saw my plastic surgeon on Friday morning. During those nearly 4 days of waiting, the fear rose to magnificent heights before I came crashing down in the majesty of the present moment. The uncertainty and not knowing took me back four years to the fear and anguish of diagnosis and treatment. It was look a flood. And, thank goodness, like all floods, the water ultimately subsided. Such relief to find that there is nothing to worry about. What I was feeling with my breast was actually the implant, closer to the skin. The implant lost its support on a portion of the perimeter, where my pectoral muscle and alloderm fiber come together to hold it in place. No need for an MRI, unless I want one (will wait and see). No need to adjust my workouts. Just do what I do. My resilient breast skin and it’s implant will be just fine.
* I took this photo on Cap Corse, Corsica. A gray day that turned light with radiant sun.