the only safe place

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Cap Corse Corsicac

It’s uncanny how what I reach for to inspire me responds to my need, time and time again. Maybe it’s synchronicity? Maybe it’s coincidence? Maybe it’s my eyes looking for what they need to find?

Mark Nepo’s words on the page…

“..fear gained its power whenever I would leave the moment at hand to imagine bad things descending in the future…Even when realizing this, I was hard-pressed to stop it, and soon I discovered that worry was the mental echo of fear, the replaying in detail of all the bad things that might or might not come into being. Finally, through exhaustion, I dropped my fear and worry for a moment, and found that I landed back in my life as it truly was, laced with difficulties and joys alike. I found that the moment I was living, no matter my circumstances, was the only safe place. From here, I could truly reach for others whose love and care fed me. In large measure, it was the moment after the fear and the reaching for others after worry that kept me well.”

Last week I noticed something unusual in my right breast, the one with the implant. I discovered ‘it’ on Monday night and saw my plastic surgeon on Friday morning. During those nearly 4 days of waiting, the fear rose to magnificent heights before I came crashing down in the majesty of the present moment. The uncertainty and not knowing took me back four years to the fear and anguish of diagnosis and treatment. It was look a flood. And, thank goodness, like all floods, the water ultimately subsided. Such relief to find that there is nothing to worry about. What I was feeling with my breast was actually the implant, closer to the skin. The implant lost its support on a portion of the perimeter, where my pectoral muscle and alloderm fiber come together to hold it in place. No need for an MRI, unless I want one (will wait and see). No need to adjust my workouts. Just do what I do. My resilient breast skin and it’s implant will be just fine.

* I took this photo on Cap Corse, Corsica. A gray day that turned light with radiant sun.

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About Vicki Flaherty

I feel most alive when I am creating, whether through my writing and poetry, gardening and photography, or simply living my life each day. Running and yoga enrich my being. Travel opens me to new possibilities and greater awareness. I am happiest when I’m with my husband Jim. I share my gratitude for all the gifts in my life on my This Abundantly Delicious Life blog. I find a special joy in helping people succeed. I’ve done something valuable when I’ve helped a colleague or friend see their brilliance and express their full potential. I have awesome opportunities to do this as an industrial/organizational psychologist through leadership, mentoring, coaching, career and other talent programs. I try to encourage Leading with Intention at my blog of this name. As a breast cancer survivor, I found comfort and hope in writing. Poetry flowed through me like a river of healing during my diagnosis and treatment, which I share on my Mostly My Heart Sings blog, that I might offer encouragement and a place of grace and heart for those seeking comfort and hope along their journey.

6 responses »

  1. I can relate to this post Vicki for myself and for my clients. Fear always takes me out of the present. Mark Nepo describes it so well, and reminds us to let go when we are faced with these situations. A great photo and great news you are okay.

  2. Love the Mark Nepo quote about fear as it applies to all of us. So GRATEFUL that there is no need to worry about your health. Thank GOD! I have had scares as such myself and it is not an easy time. Wait to Worry is my mantra even though I still worry if truth be told. But I am getting better when these little reminders that we all have an expiration date come to fruition. I feel your relief and your joy in knowing that all is well in your health world. Amen my friend. xoxo

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