|My inspirational message of the day, from TUT’s Universe: While someone might choose to face lack, disease, and adversity in their life, it would never be their “destiny.” Just strategically placed hurdles that will sooner teach them to fly. NOW, spread your wings.
I’m delighted, just hours after my previous post to report that all IS clear! After a few stressful moments with two doctors and a technician surrounding the ultrasound machine, exploring like adventurers in a new land, I discovered that the 2mm lump is a benign cist! Nothing new in this territory! YAY!
Yes, it looks like this was a hurdle, strategically placed, to remind me of my power to fly!
* The photo was taken in New York City at a flower shop on the street, where dozens of magnificent bouquets lined the sidewalk. I picked it because it looks like it is about to take flight.
Yesterday, I was crystal clear what an important milestone this particular doctor visit was: my 5-year mammogram. I felt confident it would be clean, but not completely certain. I took time before my appointment to sit quietly with myself and to explore what I was feeling. I discovered I was not afraid. Mostly I was curious.
My radiologist was super – showed me the image and complimented my peck muscles. She said that because my muscle was so defined, it was easy for her to see that she got all of my breast in the image. I have to say it was an impressive solid bar of muscle – I’ll keep up with my daily 30 push ups!🙂
I can’t even express how relieved I was when my oncologist told me the mammogram was clean. I breathed a huge sigh of relief.
You can imagine how the wind was knocked out of my sails when, during her examination of my breast, she felt a lump under my nipple. We agreed probably nothing to be concerned about, but best to be safe.
So I am once again waiting, and wondering. However, with all the training I’ve been doing – being present in the moment – I am not letting the story run away. I am present here and now, and know that whatever comes, it’s a journey that will enrich my life in ways I can’t even comprehend.
In fact, this event has already led to so many touching moments, including special prayers and intentions with family and friends. I feel I am being held in rich soil and opening to the sun.
* I took this photo in New York City at a flower shop on the street, where dozens of magnificent bouquets lined the sidewalk.
“…No matter the shore before us, the swell and toss of the sea never ends. When brought to the crest of the swell, we can see as far as eternity and the soul has its perspective, but when in the belly of those waves, we are, each of us, for the moment, lost…the work of the inner pilgrim is to keep eternity in our heart and mind’s eye when dropped in the belly of our days.” ~Mark Nepo
* I took this photo in San Agustinillo, Oaxaca, Mexico
“It seems that any moment of interest or pain or adversity can surprise us into the larger totality of life, breaking our current limits and allowing us the chance to redefine ourselves in regard to the larger sense that is upon us…We can never be prepared for everything. No one person can anticipate all of life. In face, over-preparation is yet another way to wall ourselves in from life. Rather, we can only prepare for how we might respond to the gift of surprise that often moves in on us faster than our reflex to resist.”
~Mark Nepo, The Gift of Surprise in The Book of Awakening
Inspired yet again by Mr. Nepo and ready to embrace the day and all its possibilities…
* I took this photo in San Agustinillo, Oaxaca, Mexico
Inspired again by Mark Nepo (The Book of Awakening) whose reading for today was about how we were born to sing – to give voice to our feelings, and about how letting things out, like cries of fear or pain, lets new things come in.
He confirms for me that when I write poetry my heart singing. Singing all kinds of songs, not just of joy and peace and light but also of pain and fear and the lost way. Like a little miracle, sometimes the soothing inflow would come immediately upon the releasing outflow – almost like a single expression (e.g., Strong and The Me I’ve Always Been).
I recall the day I got the call confirming a cancer diagnosis and sobbing out loud in fear and anger. I didn’t realize that was a song. Indeed that act let out so many feelings and created space for new things to flow in, like hope and love and grace. Some of my poems reflect a deep hard-to-understand agony (e.g., Into the Vortex), and even though the salve doesn’t come immediately, it always comes (e.g., Invited came in the same day as Into the Vortex).
So today I am reminded to look inside, sing what I find, and sit in grace for the open space to fill.
* image courtesy of http://www.my-wall-decal.com/
The sun shining its light
through the stormy dark shelf of clouds
speaks the truth.
The light and dark mingle today. Mixed energies, from the people I’m connecting with to the way my computer is behaving. On this gray day, the ray of sunshine that wrote on the ground as I looked out the window hinted of spring. In that moment, I recognized the light as the truth and the dark an illusion that burns away.
“The truth is that blurring by something is not the same as experiencing it.”
Mark Nepo consistently inspires me!
Earlier this week in his writing about “At the Pace of What is Real”, he spoke to me about our capacity to feel what is before us. The most important thing that my journey with cancer did for me was further awaken me to the breadth of my emotional being. Through fear and uncertainty, emotions because larger than life – and then I was able to see them. Before it was easy to just move past them, like blurred landscape while moving on a train.
“So, no matter how many wonderful opportunities come my way, no matter the importance placed on these things by others who have my best interests at heart, I must somehow find a way to slow down the train until what I pass by is again seeable, touchable, feel-able.”